Saturday, April 12, 2008

Memo to Mary Kay


To: Mary Kay, Mary Kay Incorporated

From: Sent Jointly by The Employees of the Cadillac Brand, General Motors; The Cadillac Owners Club of America; Curtis "50 Cent" Jackson; Tim Gunn, Liz Claiborne Inc.; The American Civil Liberties Union; The American Family Association; The Beach Boys; The United States Coalition of Gas Station Franchise Owners; Wayne Newton; The United States Conference of Mayors; Mary E. Peters, Secretary, the U.S. Department of Transportation; The United States House of Representatives; The United States Senate; The Office of the President of the United States of America

Re: Hurting America

Mary Kay:

With few exceptions, pink Cadillacs ceased being appropriate forms of transportation in 1959, and as your salespeople are neither Elvis Presley nor Wayne Newton, we strongly encourage you to revise your company car policy.

Cadillacs are available in a variety of colors that will both avoid defiling the highways, byways, and thoroughfares of our great nation and allow your salespeople to do their jobs with their dignity intact.

It is both in your best interest and ours to discontinue polluting our culture. We ask that you please take action in this matter so we do not have to.

The Employees of the Cadillac Brand, General Motors; et al

Boss Lady

Spotted Friday outside my office:

Without a V8? I don't think so.

For crap's sake, this is the base model. At least spring for the bigger V6.

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

Get Thee to JC: Another Man's Treasure

We have been saying how much we like Jersey City (JC) for a while now, so we figure it's time to get a little more specific.

We at Skyrocket Penguin are not adventurous dressers. Tim Gunn would admire our restraint (no midriff) but disapprove of our Rumsfeld-in-retirement attire.

So we occasionally visit Another Man's Treasure. You ever find a Fort Knox Softball League T-shirt at a Salvation Army store that you now can't stop wearing? Ever go to a flea market and find a coat that fit like nothing made today because it was made 40 years ago? Another Man's Treasure collects all those and sells them in one place. Specifically, one block away from the Grove Street PATH stop.

We bought an "I JC" shirt that doesn't even resemble something that would fit us. We're saving it for the next generation.

I'll Never High Five the Same Way Again

Why? Here's why:

Don't hold back: Watch it again. And the sequel:

I hear that song from the first video at my gym all the time and wonder what in the hell it's trying to convey. These guys know.

Saturday, April 5, 2008

Magic Hour in JC

One of the many things I’ve learned from the movie Old School is "magic hour." In the words of director Adam McKay:

“Magic hour is that time between afternoon and night and it’s sort of optimal shooting time…” Between sunset and nightfall, light reflects off the darkening and colorful sky, so everything is briefly lit much differently than at any other time of the day. Shadows are longer and the light is softer and gives everything a different hue. When people talk about the “long evenings” during summer, they’re probably referring to the longer magic “hour” at that time of year.

No matter where you are, magic hour does its trick, even in Jersey City neighborhoods.

These pipes are about 40 feet long, and will be driven into the ground with a steam-powered pile driver until only about 6 feet remain above ground.

This is actually a pristine shot of Bam Bam, a neighborhood dog. Puppies just lack focus.

Streetlights make for interesting lighting, too.

Tuesday, April 1, 2008

Skyrocket Penguin's April Fool's Day Public Service Announcement

The celebration of April Fool's Day does genuine fools a gross disservice each year by irresponsibly elevating regular Joes to that higher, unearned station. A man with a handful of dog poo from the underside of his car door handle does not a nincompoop make. What's next, "President's Day"? The situation is appalling.

Skyrocket Penguin would like to take a moment to point out a few genuine articles that deserve our attention this April 1st.

1. FIA president and billionaire Max Mosley paid five hookers to dress up as Nazi concentration camp guards and their prisoners. They took turns flogging each other (Mosley bled) as well as more typical acts. The entire encounter was captured on a five and one-half hour tape, clips of which are now on the internet. A British tabloid is in possession of the complete tape.

I love that I can describe this situation with no snark (or even adjectives) and it still makes me chuckle. If comedy were food, this and the Jon Edwards hair care seminar could sustain me until Seinfeld returns.

2. Creamer, for choosing this particular shade for their trucks:

That isn't a Ford standard color, so Creamer likely had to pay extra for it. Seen today in JC.

3. The person who designed this:

...and the person who drives it, who isn't paid enough. Also seen today in JC.